Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
