She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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