There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
