I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
