And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
