Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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