I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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