I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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