I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize