I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm at about main and main street
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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