my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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