Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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