it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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