Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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