i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Just invented taco cereal.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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