that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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