My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
