You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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