Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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