I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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