How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
