i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
