Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
