Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You ruined the universe
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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