Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
