Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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