Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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