As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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