he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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