I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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