I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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