Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
