It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
