When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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