I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i will never coherently bang her
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
