GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
