I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
