i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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