this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
