Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
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