our cab driver is having phone sex.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
