im drinking this country out of the recession.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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