he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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