he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
