Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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