Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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