**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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