The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
