I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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