I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
