dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize