Rock
Scissors
Fuck
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
