my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
