Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
