I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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