I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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