I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize