My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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