While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
