I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
