Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize