Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
