I can text with my tongue
My brain says no but my pants say off.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize