Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize